Theater of the Absurd
Pandora's Box - Believe It or Not
Oh no! One of JIM STEINMAN's 'girls' is missing! DELIRIA WILDE (we bet she is) is one of Jim's sex band PANDORA'S BOX - who, we learn, is an ex-nun, expelled from her nunnery for reasons too shocking to re-tell (sez Jim!) - and she's gone AWOL, leaving only the following cryptic message on Jim's ansaphone: "I'm alive and well and I'll see you in Hell!"
Poor Elaine!! After fainting five times while recording "It's All Coming Back To Me Now", Steinman offers to lower it an octave on tour!!
The band consists entirely of teen-aged boys. Of course, the "girls" demanded it that way!!
Meanwhile, back on Jim Steinman's video shoot, another of his 'girls' - ELAINE CASWELL- apparently stir-fried her bottom whilst lying for five hours on a mock tombstone with light shining out from beneath her. This is what you get when you hire KEN RUSSELL to 'do' your promo vid. Elaine also had to put up with the attentions of the deadliest snake in the world being waved about all over her (no, not Swells) - one bite and it kills a human being in five seconds flat - except it doesn't, because it was only a crap, harmless, non-poisonous replica snake doing an impression. Boo!)
MEAT LOAF collaborator (as in 'Bat Out Of Hell') JIM STEINMAN is currently working on a solo project, and negotiating filming a video with that masterful master of more and more KEN RUSSELL. Also, Jim blew up all the consoles in his studio when he attempted to sample the sound of 25 motorbikes to create one monumental chord! Since he blew the place up, the resulting sound couldn't be used, but Jim described it as "the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!"
Is there no end to these tales of JIM STEINMAN? Finished copies of his infamous new video, featuring horses, gang rape and necrophilia in a graveyard, were rushed to New York last week for the great man's final approval. Trouble began when customs men at JFK airport, on the lookout for Danish porn movies being smuggled into the States via England, seized on the package, viewed the vid and became convinced that what they had in their possession was an actual snuff movie! The unfortunate courier spent four hours in custody before Steinman's agent arrived to bail him out . . .