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| The end of a love affair | |
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wenners 06:12 pm UTC 01/05/08 |
| The end of a love affair can be a very painful experience. It certainly does not get any easier with age. You feel an emptiness, a longing. You spend countless hours dreaming of what once was. Your mind wanders back to all the good times, memories come flooding back. You remember significant things that were long ago pushed aside to a place of distant memories. You remember the joy you once had, the passion that once consumed you. Sure there were down points over the years, there always is but that's what made the high points so much greater. What you don’t remember is how life changing this love affair is at the time. I don't know if it more painful this time around as this love affair was a long one, Sure I have had my heart broken before i am after all a lover and not a fighter. But never before have i felt so helpless. You see my feelings were insignificant, this was not my decision, this was not my choice. Oh don't get me wrong this day has been coming for over a year now its not as if i didn't see it coming but it still leaves a large emptiness, a great void. It is easy to say that time heals all wounds but some wounds are deeper and this will take longer. What has bought this betrayal what has caused this great love affair to end? nothing more than a small token of someone’s affection, a Christmas present that was given with love and no malice. What was this present that could end a 30 year love affair? Nothing more than a simple DVD. Upon playing this DVD i knew straight away things were never going to be as they once were. its hard to imagine that with a few opening frames a 30 year old love affair can end just like that. After those first few seconds an heaviness engulfed my heart as and a great sadness in bedded in my soul. As i sat there and watched i felt tears well up in my eyes, now I’m a grown man of 43 I consider myself an emotional soul, Its not totally unusual for a tear to appear in my eye at some poignant moment every year at Christmas i will watch Its a wonderful life and sure enough though i have seen this film countless times emotion will overcome me and tears will well up my eyes. So what was on this DVD that has caused these crises in my life? Nothing more than the 3 Bats tour, a concert that I went too myself when it was playing in London. I didn't feel this way then so why should I now and why after only the first few seconds of the DVD. I still have not purchases the monster is loose album. I prefer to call it this than Bat 3. I have no plans to but it even though it is the only Meat Loaf album that i don't own. Rename the album the monster is loose and i will buy it tomorrow. But even so i have heard all the songs of that album and though i have a great dislike for it being portrayed as a bat album it has never left me with the feeling I had to day. This afternoon the house was empty so i decided to play the 3 Bat DVD. I sat all alone with the home cinema cranked up and just watched emotionless. Never before have I just sat there and watched track after track, song after song and just felt nothing and I mean nothing. I sat there for over 2 hours almost zombified until finally 3/4 of the way through Bat out of Hell I got up walked over to the DVD player and ejected the disc and then proceed to put it away where it will probably stay for ever. Now this was nothing to do with the quality of Meats vocals, the prancing around the stage with the young Aspen Miller, it has absolutely nothing to do with that or the sound quality of the DVD. It was not until Bat started to play that it hit me my passion for Meatloaf has gone. it just doesn't reach my sole anymore. If Bat out of hell can not move me then what chance does the other songs. Sure the songs will have special places in my heart after all for crying out loud was the last dance at my recent wedding and anything for love though not sung by Meat was the first song played. you cant just throw away 30 years. but then again is that not what Meat loaf has done? I played the Live video from 1981 ish afterwards and it reminded me how great things once were. a time before computers and MTV and even CD's where you would almost die for any titbit of Meat Loaf or Steinman information, a time long gone. how i now long for those times. How I long for the time when my soul was filled with the passion of that great music. The thing with emptiness is it leaves room for hope, a hope that maybe one day things can be put right. That this could end the way it was meant to end. And that the feeling of euphoria will once again return as it did many years ago when sitting in a limo talking with Meat Loaf after a show just out side Toronto in the late eighties, when he said that Jim and he were going to make a new album together again and album that was going to be Back into Hell. I can only dream. Or maybe this is how it was all meant to end? Like a certain song with a motorbike crash. All torn and twisted. | |
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