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| re: NJC: 12 Days of Christmas | |
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Dr_Rock 08:28 pm UTC 12/15/09 |
| In reply to: | NJC: 12 Days of Christmas - Tremorlor 08:23 pm UTC 12/14/09 |
| Something similar (in English) if you haven't already heard it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQkF7fpw-wI > The Twelve Days of Christmas > > December 25, 1997 > Dearest Bob, > > I went to the door today and the postman delivered a > partridge in pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. > I couldn't have been more surprised. > > With deepest love and affection, > Violet > > December 26,1997 > Dearest Bob, > > Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just > imagine - two turtle doves!! I'm delighted at your very > Thoughtful gift. They are just too adorable. > > My everlasting love, > Violet > > December 27, 1997 > My dear Bob, > > Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! Now I actually must > protest. I don't deserve such generosity - three French > hens! They are just darling, but I must insist - -you've > been too, too kind. > > All my love, > Violet > > December 28, 1997 > My dear Bob, > > Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now, > really, they ARE beautiful, but don't you think enough is > enough? You are just being Too romantic. > > Love, > Violet > > December 29, 1997 > Dear Bob, > > What a marvelous surprise! Today the postman delivered > five gold rings, one for every finger. You're just > impossible, but I love it. To tell you the truth, all > these lovely birds can really squawk and are getting on my > nerves. > > Affectionately, > Violet > > December 30, 1997 > Bob, > > Today the postman knocked and ran. When I opened the door, > there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. > So you're back to the birds again. Those geese are huge. > Where in the name of creation will I ever keep them? The > neighbors are complaining, rightly so, and it is > impossible to sleep through the racket. > > Now let this be the end of this. > > Cordially, > Violet > > December 31, 1997 > Bob: > > What the hell's with you and these fucking birds? Seven > swans-a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this? > There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop > with the racket. I can't get a damn bit of sleep and I'm a > nervous wreck. Stop with this sadistic nonsense. > > This is not funny and I am very unhappy. > > Sincerely, > Violet > > January 1, 1998 > O.K., Pal! > > What in the screaming hell am I going to do with eight > maids-a-milking? > Jesus! I think I prefer the goddamn birds. The goddamn > maids-a-milking had to bring their goddamn cows. There is > cow shit all over my lawn and bird shit all over the > house. I can't even move my feet. Just leave me the hell > alone, smartass. > > Vi > > January 2, 1998 > Listen, Shithead! > > You sadistic bastard! I now have nine pipers piping in my > front yard and they are standing knee deep in cow shit. > This, after chasing those maids all night long. > Consequently, upsetting the cows to the point that they > are stepping all over the screeching birds. What am I > going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to > evict me. > > Up yours, > Vi > > January 3, 1998 > You rotten PRICK! > > Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call > those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all > night long. Now the goddamn cows can't sleep and they've > got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The > Commissioner of Zoning and the Building Inspector > have subpoenaed me to give just cause as to why this > building should not be condemned. I'm calling the police! > I mean it, by God! > > January 4, 1998 > Listen, FUCKHEAD: > > Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think that I > would be witness to eleven Lords-a-leaping on that many > maids and ladies. They took those broads like Grant took > Richmond and many will never walk exactly right again. I > wasn't the only witness, by the way. The "60 Minutes" > camera crew and staff are just loading up their cameras > and equipment on a chartered plane and are racing against > time to have the first Christmas Special on Pay TV. For > the record, all 23 of the birds are dead. They were > trampled to death in the orgy. As God is my witness, some > how, some > day, I'LL GET YOU! I never want to see your fucking face > again as long as I live. > > Miss Violet Monica Habersham > > January 5, 1998 > Law Offices > Goldstien, Silverberg, and O'Reily > > Dear Sir: > > This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers > drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict upon our > client, Miss Violet Monica Habersham. The destruction, of > course, was total. All correspondence should come to our > attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss Habersham > at the West County Sanitarium, the attendants have been > instructed to shoot you on sight! With this letter please > find attached, a warrant for your arrest. > > Sincerely, > Anthony Gionetti > Associate > | |
| URL: | Frank Kelly - Christmas Countdown |
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