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| re: A New Joke Thread. No more drama. | |
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Dr_Rock 08:24 am UTC 03/21/07 |
| In reply to: | A New Joke Thread. No more drama. - Venom 06:23 am UTC 03/20/07 |
| Her Diary Entry:- He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, he responded to my advances and we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to leep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster. His Diary Entry:- United lost. Got a sh*g though. ----------------------------------------------------------- URGENT - GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE APPEAL AT 00:54 ON MONDAY 24 FEBRUARY 2007, A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GLASGOW. Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering: "Ah wiz pissin' masel", "Ah need some jellies" "Ah need a fag and a Cally Spesh". The earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage, with the exception of the Possil area, where approx. £375,000 of improvements were made. Untold disruption and distress was caused: Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed. The ice-cream cone fell off the head of the statue of the Duke of Wellington outside the Gallery of Modern Art. The one on his horse, Copenhagen, managed to remain on the horse's head, albeit at a jaunty angle. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Glasgow. One resident, Mary-Alice McGregor, a 14 year old mother-of-three said, "It was such a shock, little Chelsea came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Buckfast Tonic Wine to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos. HOW YOU CAN HELP Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: * Sovvy rings * Baseball caps * Shell suits * Tesco two stripe trainers * White socks * Chunky gold chains, if possible with names, any will do *. Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: * Frozen burgers * Buckfast * Deep-fried Mars Bars * Buckfast * Golden Wonder crisps (Cheese and Onion and Prawn Cocktail preferred) * Buckfast * Tripe and Onions * Buckfast * Black, White, Fruit or Red Pudding * Buckfast * Fray Bentos Pies * Old English Cider * Buckfast * Lard * Ready-cut Potato Chips * Lard * Buckfast. £2 buys chips, scraps and "ginger" - preferably Dunn's or Alpine "Iron Brew" - for a family of four. £10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day, where children can sniff glue and spike up among the national collection of stinging nettles. 22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim. £1.95 buys an "All Day" bus ticket to enable disaster victim travel between the Social, the Posty, the Offy, McDonalds, and Whateverys, and Glasgow Green or Elder Park for the refugees' garden party. Please send your credit card number and a sample signature. THIS APPEAL IS MADE ON BEHALF OF THE GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE VICTIMS FUND > I'll go first. > > A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The > doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism > went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. > After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her > thigh. > > Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" > > "Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or > dermatological abnormalities." > > "That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle > her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" > > "Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or > breast cancer." > > "Correct," replied the shady doctor. > > Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual > intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm > doing now?" > > "Yes," she said. "If it's why I came here in the first, > you're getting herpes." | |
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