Theater
"Jack and the Beanhole" continued.....
ACT 3
The next day Susan had to go to work. Although it was the weekend the
company she worked for had just won the contract to dispatch issues of the
Chronicles Neverland. So off she went to lick and dispatch the Chronicles
although this turned out to be easier than expected, partially due to her
drooling over the picture of The Wizard on the front cover.
The kids awoke to find a strange sight outside. A giant hole had appeared at
the spot where Susan had thrown the beans. They rushed out and stood on the
edge of the hole.
"Shall we explore the beanhole?" Jack asked.
"It looks like it goes all the way to Hell", said Sandy.
"Nonsense", said Bertha, "this hole goes nowhere near Nevada."
Jack then stopped. He realised that his trousers were too tight to allow him
to climb down but to his delight Bertha came up with a plan.
"Why don't you take your trousers off and wrap a tartan blanket around you?"
"What! You mean like a skirt? Well OK then, but whoever heard of men going
round in tartan skirts?"
Having wrapped the blanket around him Jack led the way down the hole. They
descended for about half an hour when they finally reached the bottom.
Although the were in the bowels of the earth it was as if the world they
were now in was being lit up by a tremendous white light, like the Bee Gees
all smiling at once.
They set off to explore their new found land but were stopped in their
tracks by a horrible wail. Then out of the shadows appeared two ugly
sisters.
"Who are you?" enquired Jack.
"I am Celina and this is my sister Webberina. We are looking for a prince
with a spare slipper."
"Well you won't find him here", said Sandy, "you're in the wrong
panto."
Act 4
The trio left the sisters and travelled onwards. Soon they came across a
huge house the size of which they had never seen before. They approached the
door and read the nameplate. 'Mr Malt Loaf, Giant and part time Rock 'n'
Roll Mercenary' They rang the bell and, to their great surprise, the door
was opened by Jackina.
"Jackina!" exclaimed Jack, "What are you doing here?"
Jackina broke down and cried. She then started to confess all. "I..I..I was
going to tell you one day Jack, but I was ashamed. I've been thrown out of
University for breaking one of their most sacred rules, ..... I was caught
studying."
Jack and his cousins were horrified.
"Jackina, we're horrified" (told you they were horrified) they said in
unison. Jackina continued.
"I don't know what came over me. One minute I was sitting in the Student
Union bar having a Long Slow Screw, (Parental Guidance Note: A Long Slow
Screw is a cocktail. Could someone get a glass of water for Mrs Gore
please?) then suddenly I heard Malt Loaf singing one of the Wizard's songs.
I thought, well anything is better than this, so I buried my head in a book
and that's when I was spotted. Having been expelled I took up a job as Malt
Loaf's maid. It was my intention to work from within and ensure that he
never records any of the Wizard's songs again. Unfortunately it appears he's
going in to the studio next week. I'm devastated."
All four cousins quickly agreed that Malt must be stopped. They started to
hatch a plan, but before they came up with anything they heard somebody,
somewhere, tolling a bell.
"That's Malt calling me", said Jackina, "I must hurry. Please don't follow
me, Malt doesn't like strangers." And off she ran.
Jack, suspecting that his sister may be in danger, ran after her.
"Stop, Jack", yelled Sandy, but it was to no avail. Jack had just watched
the Star Wars 'Special Edition' trilogy on video and had his Luke Skywalker
head on. This was all well and good but unfortunately he looked more like an
Ewok.
