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| re: Rory With Bonnie | |
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pidunk 09:18 am UTC 06/13/07 |
| In reply to: | re: Rory With Bonnie - The_wolf_with_the_red_roses 08:38 am UTC 06/13/07 |
> > I am educated. Listen I may have been worong to go out you > like I have done in past posts. But its simply is against > my charcter to belive something that contridicts what I > have belived to be the truth. I do understand that. Let me try to tell you about some of the things that I had been raised to believe, and what the truth actually is about it. My father: I was raised to believe that my father was the first husband of my mother. But, he was not my father. He did try to give me the truth, by telling me that I was not his. As it happened, my real father was nearby and I confided in him. He told me then, that he was my real father. But I did not believe him, because he was seeming much too young to be my father. Through the years his proximity waned, and the mother's first husband remained as my father in title, so that for a very long time I believed that he was my father. He stopped trying to tell me he wasn't, and nobody was around to contradict him after 1964 when I was nine years old. Even for a brief period after that when I had a few encounters with my real father, he did not press the point. When I was thirty-eight years of age, the truth of who is my father finally became congealed and solid in my mind. There was alot that happened between 1988 and then, which was 1994, which challenged my understandings. My mother continued to deny, and in the face of my knowing continues to deny, just as she did when she was confronted by her husband. Sometimes things believed as truth, just aren't truth at all. The Soviets had no problem telling the world that the entire family of the Czar Nicholas II had been killed, and it was assumed to be the truth. My mother had no problem telling me that no reason existed for me to be interested in knowing about the Czars at all because she said and others claimed that they had persecuted Jews, and my mother told me that I am a Jew. She also told me that my grandfather fantasized. Well, the truth turned out just as my non-fantasizing grandfather described to me. And my mother has since given me nothing but lies including ten different varying descriptions about my grandfather's method and time of arriving into the United States. It turns out, that members of that family did survive, that I am not a Jew, and that family was my own heritage. The Grand Duchesses my great-aunts, the assassinated Czar my great-grandfather. So, not just in terms of who my father is, but also my mother's father's identity, fell into scrutiny about what the truth was. In both instances, the falsity I was the most concerned with was that of my mother's. But, the fact that I was born to her is significant enough that someone in my family asked me if I'd been born to her, because my brother had been telling people that I was adopted. He tried to convince me that I was adopted as well, as if being adopted meant one was not wanted, or not as whole as one naturally born. However, I was not adopted, and lies have surrounded my family for the duration of my life. I was raised to believe that my mother's very high quality furniture was hers, and at different times she gave two different stories about where it came from. She did this kind of deception in some ways, like telling her husband that the funds came from her parents, and telling her parents that the funds came from a discount gotten by her husband. But the fact was, that those items were sent as gifts to me, for my mother to hold in trust for me. The giver of the gift was the combination of Jim and his father. Jim who had the desire to give to me, and his father whom had the means to satisfy his son's request. There are all kinds of things in life that should be true because of who tells you or how you learn. One's father should not be a status of uncertainty; one's family heritage should not be buried with them; and one's gifts need to reach them properly. Indeed, my life should be so simple that I could feel comfortable speaking or writing in simple phrases. But, I am not comfortable at all, with the deceptions having so much more weight than the truth under the current conditions. Of course there are things about Jim that you believe to be true, but in the scheme of things they are minor truths that you are to learn, in proportion to your life. Jim is far from and unmet by you, a writer of songs that will not change when you learn more about them, or about him. But, maybe if you appreciate him as the person who created them, your understanding of him may increase, and he would not be such an enigma, such a mystery, and you might also learn about other things too. >Although you seem genuine. I > cant beleive some of the suff you read. Which is me being > me. Nothing against you personanlly. Post in my thread > about Songs that fit the situation if yohave such a > memoery in your life. Jim's songs have built into them shared experiences between he and I. I am not going to delve into that right now. He has in the past done the same on his silly answering machine when he wanted to tell me when to call....addressing me as if part of the general callers so nobody got the idea he was speaking to me, and he said to me, "you understand its a general message because I get other callers, right?" And I said I understood. >It would be interesting to see how > many have been in a situation like that I daresay that nobody but Jim and I shared our lovemaking together. Or shared our discussions and the plans we made for our lives. Some of the songs actually concern issues I face myself, like a little bit of grand larceny committed against us ("More Than You Deserve"). Or the realizations that we agreed upon concerning other issues. I think that you are not educated enough to understand so I won't answer any more of your posts. Let others be more thoughtful with their thoughts about what I've said already. If you guys don't get the gist by now, you never will. | |
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