> Bullshiter. Sorry but i like rubbing it in. Hope she reads that. Anyway. Arent there any known recorded versions of the song for Dead Ringer tour
> I seem to want to layer this response with other
> responses. If I believed I could write a web page about
> this I might, but I certainly don't have such kind of
> readiness. Sometimes, Jim and I have the kinds of feelings
> about our accidentally having hurt each other which are
> defensive in a way. Like for example, this song makes
> references to one time when I accidentally hurt him, and
> the feeling I have about that, is that I feel hurt....in
> other words, accidentally hurting him causes pain and
> grief to myself. When I point out to Jim, or react as
> though I was pointing out to Jim that Jim hurt me, he gets
> very upset as though I am hurting him. It is a strange
> dynamic in that way: I have to be careful not to hurt Jim
> by not feeling hurt myself, and if that isn't a paradox of
> emotional twists then I really don't know what is. If I
> tell him that he hurts me, he just about goes into tears
> over it. I interpret this not as weakness, because Jim is
> one of the strongest people I have ever encountered, but
> as the sensitivity, because he cares so much about me,
> that he would not intentionally hurt me, and if his
> deterrent is that he would feel pain himself, I could
> second that with reference to him and my own
> self-deterrent. There are couples who hurt each other and
> sulk, become bitter. Jim and I take our hurts and we work
> at them because underneath it all, we know our intentions.
> I always hope that we keep this visibility to ourselves. I
> have not found any reasons not to work at making him
> satisfied with my love for him. We have discussed
> friendship in many contexts, the friendship that is like a
> boyfriend and girlfriend, the friendship that is like two
> buddies, the friendship that is the basis of an intimacy.
> And we've seen these contexts come and go within
> ourselves. All in all, what it comes down to as I've told
> him that I am first and foremost his friend. I always will
> be.
>
> I'd like to work on getting these concepts in this song
> understood, but I have not worked on that until now. It is
> hard, seeing in print that he wrote his hurt about what
> happened in that school yard. Since that time, we have
> each revisited our feelings on other fields, literally and
> figuratively, and the hurt does not carry the same sting
> now as it did in the time he wrote it. Its value of being
> in the song is for its context, in setting up the kinds of
> problems we have had in our history.
>
> Many people who have fame may fight off those who try to
> invade their privacy, but our lives Jim's and mine, we
> have too much of it. There has to be a balance.
>
>
>
>
> >
> >
> > >
> > >
> > > >Could you shed some light on the subject?
> > >
> > > I'll try to use simple phrases. I've just re-read the
> > > thread above and realize how much in the dark all are in
> > > concerning this song. When I first saw it on the Tower
> > > Records in-store sampler, my eyes just about popped out of
> > > my head. I couldn't believe that the title actually
> > > existed. After everything that I've been through up to
> > > that day in October of 2004, seeing that was a real
> > > startle. Of course I had to listen to it that once then,
> > > to see what it was about. There I had the chance to see
> > > that it was not much different than what I already knew.
> > > From then, I didn't need to hear it again, but was glad
> > > that it existed for the fact that it reiterated to me in
> > > an objective form, what I had to perceive much by myself.
> > >
> > >
> > > That it was not a feature in concerts does not surprise
> > > me. That Meat rushed through it and didn't know how to
> > > deal with it also does not surprise me. So, how do we deal
> > > with this, if it is so rare, and such a hot potato? Hot
> > > Potato, hot patootie, let's call the whole thing off :)
> > >
> > > What Jim does is make the music fit the lyric, for its
> > > emotion, for its urgency, for its drama. The music
> > > punctuates. It accentuates. Not having the music from
> > > which to draw at this moment, there are the lyrics. What
> > > does this song say?
> > >
> > > There are several points to the story that is the song. In
> > > bold, I will highlight those that are childhood
> > > memories of he and I, from when Jimmy and I were small
> > > children, he of the age of nine and below, and I at the
> > > age of six and below. In italics, I will highlight
> > > those aspects of the song which reflect the actions of my
> > > mother during those times.
> > >
> > > I'm not including the entire song. Just those parts that
> > > are somewhat clear enough to explain.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > I'll Kill You If You Don't Come Back
> > >
> > > From the minute I turned and laid my eyes on you
> > > I had no eyes of my own
> > > I was blind to the world - you were too good to be true
> > > But you were something to see - so very young and
> > > alone
> > >
> > > Jim met me when he was delivering a gift to my mother for
> > > the arrival of her new baby. I was not all that new at the
> > > time, being nine months old, but the gift was such as a
> > > gesture. It was a thing that went above me that I could
> > > play with. Jim may have seen me before by the things he
> > > said, but my earliest memory is this. He made clear how
> > > much I meant to him, as he also showed me how to handle
> > > the toy. I was being kept inside and he snuck in to see me
> > > on the pretense that he had to use the restroom, otherwise
> > > he was being kept outside keeping my brother company. He
> > > and my brother are only two months apart in age. Jim and
> > > he were both approaching four years of age.
> > >
> > > And I still don't believe the way you turned on me
> > > Now where's the girl that I knew?
> > >
> > > The end of the difficult era stood with one chance he took
> > > to see me at the school I was attending when I was in
> > > first grade. He approached me and I was not expecting to
> > > see him, believing him to be in California and this was
> > > New York, and I also was not aware he decided to use an
> > > alias, calling himself "Tom". Tom spoke to me and knew my
> > > name, and I, alarmed, left in a moment of anxiety, and put
> > > someone else on him to explain how he knew me.
> > > Unfortunately that someone didn't ask, but just chased Jim
> > > away. Even though my attitude had softened, I did not have
> > > the chance to make amends and to let him talk to me. I
> > > missed hearing whatever it was that he came to say. At the
> > > same time, his highly complicated effort had been wasted
> > > and gone awry.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > I gave you somewhere to live and then somebody to
> > > love
> > >
> > > This could address both my mother and/or myself, for it is
> > > true for us both on different levels. Literally, Jim did
> > > give us a place to live. And literally, Jim did give in
> > > one or another sense, each of us someone to love. My
> > > mother, demanded of Jim's father a house as a second part
> > > of a gift of furnishings for my second birthday, and such
> > > house was given. The gifts and the house were hoped to
> > > help my mother appreciate the worth of me rather than
> > > reject me, and in that sense it was for my mother to see
> > > in me someone to love, when she did not. She did not love
> > > me. As for me, the house was in my name, and Jim also came
> > > by to visit around the area and I saw him sometimes. My
> > > mother refused up to then still, to tell me where the
> > > furnishings and the house came from but had no trouble
> > > telling me that they were mine and in my name. Then the
> > > impossible happened.
> > >
> > > My mother decided to leave that house and demanded a
> > > second house from Jim's father. Jim's father gave the
> > > house, and when I moved into that house, I saw Jim alot
> > > more. There, Jim had the opportunity to tell me about the
> > > furnishings and the houses, being as he said he didn't
> > > understand why I did not seem grateful. I then had the
> > > chance to thank him. At the same time, a threat my mother
> > > spoke concerning these things came to light when I told it
> > > to Jim. Because Jim told me who his father is, and my
> > > mother was very very angry with him for giving me the
> > > gifts, even though she demanded the houses. The
> > > furnishings really snapped her nerves and they were the
> > > first things. She said to someone, "Now I feel like I'm
> > > stuck with her!" And indeed, she stuck to me like glue,
> > > never letting me out of her sight, never letting me out of
> > > her control, and by the time I had seen this song title, I
> > > already saw her pattern very plainly, of possession in one
> > > hand, and a death threat in the other.
> > >
> > > The somebody to love that Jim gave to me, was himself. He
> > > finally had that chance to discuss our future together,
> > > and we also discussed our love.
> > >
> > >
> > > You gave me nothing but trouble - man I've been such a
> > > fool
> > > You gave me nothing at all - now let me give it to you
> > > You taught me how to be cruel - now let me try it on
> > > you
> > >
> > >How do you abuse me - let me count the ways
> > > How many hours in how many days
> > > How does it amuse you - let me count the pain
> > > How many rules breaking how many games
> > >
> > > This structural reference to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's
> > > "Sonnets From The Portugese", "How do I love thee, let me
> > > count the ways, I love thee to the depth and breadth that
> > > my soul could reach", is not just my favorite poem of all
> > > time, but also a bit of symbology in common: Barrett's
> > > father was controlling, overbearing, not letting Elizabeth
> > > live her life. My mother has been controlling,
> > > overbearing, not letting me live my own life.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > How do you abuse me - let me count the ways
> > > How many hours in how many days
> > > How does it amuse you - let me count the pain
> > > How many rules breaking how many games
> > >
> > > You got your ass out of gear and your soul out of
> > > whack
> > > Go on and take all your stuff - don't even bother to pack
> > > In every way I want you out of my life -
> > > But I'll kill you if you don't come back
> > > I'll kill you if you don't come back
> > >
> > >
> > > Indeed, it seems true of my mother, that she wanted me out
> > > of her life in every way, but she would kill me if I
> > > didn't come back.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > In the pit of the night you used to pull me so close
> > > And then you'd hold me so tight
> > > And in the wink of an eye you used to give me it all
> > > And with a kiss in the darkness you'd deliver the light
> > >
> > > There were times when she played the part of mother.
> > > Kissed me goodnight, tucked me in, sang to me, held me,
> > > and gave to me what a mother gives, but in the absence and
> > > in the shadows, she also whispered about me to people on
> > > the phone, and betrayed my trust.
> > >
> > > And in the pit of the night I hear you laughing so
> > > loud
> > > I know you're laughing at me
> > > Oh ain't it funny and sad the way I fell for your lies
> > > The way I fell into love and then I begged to be free
> > > You gave me nothing at all - now let me give it to you
> > > You taught me how to be cruel - now let me try it on
> > > you
> > >
> > > How do you abuse me - let me count the ways
> > > How many hours in how many days
> > > How does it amuse you - let me count the pain
> > > How many rules breaking how many games
> > >
> > > You got your ass out of gear and your soul out of
> > > whack
> > > Go on and take all your stuff - don't even bother to pack
> > > In every way I want you out of my life
> > > But I'll kill you if you don't come back
> > > I'll kill you if you don't come back
> > >
> > > My mother said certain things that gave me the belief that
> > > she would kill me if I came back and kill me if I didn't
> > > come back, all the same. But especially with more anger,
> > > if I didn't come back.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
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