Okay... My thoughts then... Remember Jim, you asked for it...
Don't change the title? Please? I can see where all the other suggestions come from, but in reference to the lyrics this is so much stronger. It captures the essence better than the ribbons of blood. It also causes such a pleasant surprise when you find that the song itself is so much deeper than the title might predict.
My fave part is definately the final section, because I love the conflict in it. It has a spooky sense of reality when the cause looses the fight without the fighters considering theirselves responsible. It also shows the two sides of reality, because it was Hook's Paradise that lost? But is it necessarily the only version? Does that mean that Pan's Paradise won?
What I also seem to like more than the others is this section.
Broken hearts
Are the Devil’s Playground
Shattered dreams
Disillusioned youth
And all of man
Is the Devil’s Playground
Shameless lies
And Shameful truth
I love how you sum up the broken hearts, shattered dreams and disillusioned youths to be all of man. I think there is a part in every person who recognizes at least one of this losses and that indeed part of every man is The Devil's Playground.
The only thing I would change is removing 'the' from 'Thousand of tombstones, waiting for the names, just waiting for the names'. I think it makes the song even more disturbing if you don't specify whose blood, whose names... It makes it personal in the sense that people tend to make such intentionally impersonal implications all about themselves. It plays in perfectly with the selfish and egotistical nature of man.
Last thing I would like to say is THANK YOU for this peek into your creative processes!
Klasien
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