> Don't like this line.
I had another one for this but I'm trying to find it.
>
> Sorry, my line 'they'll just haunt forever' is much
> better.
Is that really the line? Woops. I heard it as "They go on forever".
> > And they twist and they turn
> > And they tease and then deny
> > And always burn endlessly
>
> Sorry, prefer my lines: 'How they twist & they turn, how
> they tease & then deny, they’ll always burn, endlessly'
Woops, my bad ears again.
>
> > Take me back to the start
> > To a time when everything was so brand new
> > And golden
>
> You need to have the last word rhyme with 'fears' (in the
> next section), otherwise there's no pattern.
Again, my bad ears
>
> 'Let me banish all this heartache, wipe away, all these
> tears' works within your Batman context?
Yes, it does.
>
> > How I hate here and now
> > So much emptiness torments me
> > There's no hope, only fear
>
> Fear should be plural (it matters).
Well, it's the pig thing. What's more powerful? Pigs? Pig? Fears? Fear? I think fear is a lot more powerful than fears, i.e. one great all-consuming fear
>
> > Am I cursed for all time?
> > Am I cursed to pay a penance nightly for
> > An old crime
>
> Not sure if your lines fit the melody. 'Am I cursed to
> fight alone until the day, that I die' could work?
That works much better.
> > There's nothing left here
> > Just endless faces
> > And Gotham's regrets...
>
> How about (as Batman dejectedly looks out over Gotham):
> 'There's so much evil...
> Unending darkness...
> Oh Gotham City...'
Yes! Except ending it with "Cittyyyyyyyy" is awkward. Regrets works better for the singer holding the note.
Thank you.
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