| re: NJC: Things That End Badly | |
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Posted by: |
Vin 03:53 pm UTC 12/03/08 |
| In reply to: | re: NJC: Things That End Badly - John_Galt 05:06 am UTC 12/03/08 |
| Thanks, JG. This is the kind of feedback I haven't received since my college poetry writing class back in '96 ! Much appreciated. And yes, this is intended for a musical theatre piece. And to Steven, thanks for your comment, as well. I'm very fond of that line myself. Vin > This is awesome! > > There's much cleverness on multiple levels, but none of > the cleverness is superfluous. Each line belongs in this > poem because each is an idea, image, or ummm... concept > that shows a different aspect of the theme. The voice is > consistent throughout, as well. > > As I'm reading it I'm imagining a character who isn't just > educating us from some happy, warm place, but instead > expressing the kind of dark antipathy of the truly > disappinted, and if this is musical theater stuff, I see > this as an effective way of characterization. We can > quickly understand what drives this person to do whatever > they do or, more likely, refrain from doing... and when > the melody is revisted later, we'll be able to experience > this emotion in a different context with these words still > echoing in our minds. > > Good stuff! > > -=John Galt=- > > > This is a song / poem I recently finished. Thought I'd > > share here. Feedback appreciated. > > > > The Things That End Badly > > > > > > > > Once upon a time we had hope in our hearts > > This world was as fresh and as bright as you please > > The promise of life was a gift from the gods > > We worshipped so blindly, never a thought > > To the damage we do in the end to our knees > > > > These are the things that end badly > > These are the things that end sadly and dark > > These are the stories that bring tears to your eyes > > And these are the endings that must surely > > Break your heart > > > > Human ambition, Divine Intervention > > A grasp that exceeds or falls short of your reach > > The quest for perfection or stagnant contentment > > A night in Las Vegas! A day at the beach! > > > > The hero’s adventure, the tyrant’s regime > > The architect’s ego, the charlatan’s shame > > The tears of a widow, the tears of a bride > > Regardless of reason, sting the cheek all the same > > > > We’re the sons and the daughters of martyrs and madmen > > The nieces and nephews of nobles and whores > > We’re the children the gods of our fathers have long since > > abandoned > > And now that we know, we don’t care to go on > > But we have to > > Too scared not to > > And we died, miserably, ever after > > > > Once there was a girl who had blood on her hands > > Once there was a boy who refused to believe > > Her lips were so salty, he tasted no venom > > We love our illusions but pay little heed > > To the truths we deny for the fictions we weave > > > > These are the things that end badly > > These are the things that end nasty and cruel > > To these awful conclusions there are no exceptions > > And here comes the climax, dreadful indeed > > Brutally proves the rule > > > > A kiss before dying, a wish on a star > > That probably burnt out centuries before > > The embrace of a loved one, as tight as you hold them > > Sooner or later you’ll hold them no more > > > > The conception of life! The cry of a child! > > A mother’s best hopes, a father’s worst fears > > Graduations and weddings and subsequent funerals > > Regret and nostalgia, the passage of years! > > > > But if birth can only end badly… > > > > Exactly! > > > > How can anything after end anything but??? > > > > We’re the distant descendants of kings and of cavemen > > We count as our ancestors wizards and fools > > But the torch that they passed us was too hot and too > > bright to handle > > For more than a moment, or stare at directly > > But we looked and we touched > > Too hard not to > > And we burned and went blind, painful and slow, ever > > after > > > > > > | |
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