I like it!
> I don't usually write novelty lyrics, but I wrote this a
> while back just for fun and thought it was appropriate for
> posting given the recent discussion about the degree to
> which Jim's male fans are, or aren't, gay.
>
> How Gay I Am
>
> Well you dropped my jaw to the floor last night
> When you told me you thought I liked boys.
> I just couldn’t figure out how I gave you that
> impression.
> And not that I owe you anything
> But before its my next turn to sing
> I’ll offer you this mostly true confession
>
> Now I own a few shirts in colors you wouldn’t call manly,
> And now and again I dance with my hands above my head.
> I own a Streisand hits CD
> I appreciate “Sex and the City”
> But I’ll show you how gay I am
> when I get you in bed.
>
> Back in the day I may have played with my sister’s
> Barbies.
> As a kid I thought “Super Bowl” meant the handicapped
> stall.
> I played third lead in my Second Grade play,
> Dressed up like Lord Byron on Poetry Day,
> But I showed Suzy how gay I am
> Three times in study hall.
>
> These days I read the Sears catalog for the home goods
> section.
> My own two eyes are as queer as this straight guy needs.
> I watch quite a bit of the Lifetime channel
> I prefer mohair to denim or flannel
> But you’ll see how gay I am when we do the deed.
>
> Now Tori Amos dominates my iPod,
> But Sondheim’s represented there pretty well, too.
> I’m offended by pornography,
> I like Yankee Candles and potpourri,
> But you’ll know just how gay I am
> When I make angry love to you.
>
> Hey please don’t be embarrassed now,
> I don’t mind that you opened your mouth
> And stuck your foot right in like you were doing the Hokey
> Pokey.
> I’m a pseudo-intellectual
> And a little bit metro-sexual
> And now I’m off to do Shania karaoke.
>
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