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| re: Been Having So Much Fun, Thanks! | |
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pidunk 11:01 pm UTC 04/21/07 |
| In reply to: | re: Been Having So Much Fun, Thanks! - fallingtofly 05:02 pm UTC 04/21/07 |
> Look, Susan, I don't know you, had never even heard of you > until recently, but you seem to be simply asking for more > punishment. It isn't so much that I am asking, per se, for "more punishment", but punishment seemed to have found me by virtue of having been posting on the board. In a previous "incarnation" there were, as I explained here and there to those of disinterest, I was impersonated when there were no log-ons, and so not anyone had any opportunity, to call it that, to know what I was saying versus the impersonator. The impersonator was acting very strangely, saying awful things, wasting a great amount of everyone's time and space, and did so even simultaneously to my being on the board. It was a terrible experience being me at that time, and also I could assume, being a member of the board such as yourself and the others. Whatever reputation that comes to me independently of that distraction, is something that I would probably have had without it, but the distraction did not make anything easier. Now, I came back on to the board and it was not I who initiated topics of the past, and I was content to just slide in and be a part of this collective appreciation of Jim. If I began to bring up the simplest of topics (the vocals of Rory Dodd versus the vocals of Jim), it was because it had no taint of the past on it, and was a fundamental subject I felt we could all enjoy looking at. Apparently the topic is not something anyone is willing to deal with, or the scars of the past were too thick to see past. Whichever it is, this is the unfortunate result. But, I did not voluntarily bring up those topics of the past, Ryan did. Nobody is criticizing him for that. Why not? His knowledge means too much for you? I can't question your collective cultural priorities. I don't even want to try to, because it is probably so emotional to yourselves that it is deeply ingrained. With all that is afoot (or ahand, or ahead), if you just be aware that I did not ask for this "punishment" I think that you could begin to understand that I am not masochistic. > > Obviously, you are NOT well liked around here- fine, > that's none of my business, but out of general concern for > a fellow human being, I have to ask- why do you put > yourself through this? Renee, you have linked to your sites and I have taken looks here and there with curiosity. I have read recent posts which describe your life. I appreciate that people have crosses to bear that they did not themselves place onto their own shoulders. Maybe you feel that my concern is a shallow one, but it is not, and perhaps the difference is that your life and my life do not squarely compare directly. Your concerns are not shallow, when you deal with your life and the issues you face. Neither are mine, but it turns out that there are different issues, different ways that they must be dealt with. I would not choose this if it was a hobby. My life is complicated, for reasons that have nothing to do with me. It is like trying to explain the unexplainable, and since I am not a masochist, I really must cut short any efforts to explain further. Neither by the way do those reasons stem from anything I have ever had to do with Jim. Not the fundamental things anyway. Not the things that bring me here......except the ways that such has impacted ourselves separately. If someone decides to flame my post because I brought up a topic they don't like or didn't say enough or left holes for their imaginations to fill in, I'll let the landslide fall and not intercede. Unless you have a very severe IC > (impulse control) problem, why would you constantly > retaliate, especially when it's obvious that you aren't > going to change anything? I really don't, have any kind of impulse or obsessive concerns along this magnitude that you seem to suggest. I also do not retaliate.......where I can claim a corner of sanity I try to reply. I might not be able to change anything. That's a given. Others may have reasons for the way that they are, that have nothing to do with me. None of you are really readers in the sense where you want to pore over details and analyses, or look at variations from what you have been believing. You don't have curious investigative, inquisitive spirits, and you don't feel the need to make your own judgements based on what you can perceive. If you are followers, then the following you are doing has nothing to do with me, and granted, I can not change your path. > > Simply walk away. This may hold true for me and eventually someone else. That shall be his decision, at his timing, and what I do shall be evaluated over some time with reasonable thought. Trust me, things like this are not > worth the anger, headaches, anxiety and ulcer-causing > stress that they create. Nobody seems to bring Jim's feelings into the equation. What you think they may be, and what they are, are distinctly, as I could know, two different things. Like I said before in another post, where I felt I could be pelted just for the suggestion that I know him; as this board relies on a plethora of strangers unto Jim and Jim's familiars staying a comfortable step away, it is almost seeming sancrisanct to mention something of personal knowledge. Even Jacqueline avoids the topic. Other fan boards have people who know the person, who work with and have spoken with the person in personal and professional settings, as members too. Other fan boards are much different in their scope of acceptance than this one. My own declarations of personal association would not be a flood of resentment from others but a drop in the bucket at a well of others. Knowing Jim, seems to be the pre-requisite for staying away from here or shutting up to that detail. You know what you know, believe > what you believe, and everyone else has the same right. > Just agree to disagree and moe on, because this world > stops for no one, and it's just going to steamroll you in > the end. You say this with apparently a great deal of human interest which I appreciate. I might give myself the same advice, and take it, if the larger issues were not so daunting in their own relentless persistence of difficulty. I may not be able to describe what my problems really are, but I hope I might be able to assure you, my eyes are wide open to the fact that this is not the happiest of experiences and I'd much rather be knitting a sweater. I'd have to learn to knit first. Pearl one, stitch two? > > On another note: I did live-cast RHPS for over a year and > never heard any drama over the Smith/O'Brien thing- and > those people were far more knowledgeable about the show > than I ever claimed to be. I know how enjoyable that community is. I am glad for you that you found that place to have a lot of comeraderie and pleasure. I am aware of the situation, and why you would not have heard anything about it. But that does not change the fact that there is an issue. It is of course the reason why I don't want to delve headlong into it. Anyone with an analytic mind can go and spend a few weeks with my website. There is a closed-session group waiting for anyone who would like to have discussions about it in earnest. At some point, you have to > just be content with your own beliefs,and let everyone > else have theirs- otherwise you just drive yourself > crazy. I just love sanity. I like to be zany, but sane. Aware of the life, and able to have a sense of humor. Some people don't get what they want. Some people sometimes get what they need. Renee, if you saw your book stolen from you, what would you do? > > I hope you can find some peace, and let all this drama > go... That would be great. > > Naturally, that goes for everyone else as well. Deep > breaths, lovelies- slow in... ease out... and relax. > After all, when we get to the end of this life- who really > is going to care about wrong or right? we're all dead men > walking. Have a good day, and good thoughts, thinking of me as someone in humanity as frail as anyone. Think of Jim, too, because he deserves your thoughts. God Bless..........have another soak in the tub. I rented "Meat Loaf Bat Out Of Hell" DVD and got it in the mail today. If I decide to discuss it, anyone have any kinds of awfully strong objections? | |
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