| re: Little script for class, Opinions? | |
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Posted by: |
RSG 07:32 pm UTC 01/31/08 |
| In reply to: | re: Little script for class, Opinions? - Vin 07:13 pm UTC 01/31/08 |
| I shall work on this a little more. Thanks for your direction. English is my first language XD > I'm a little confused. Is the narrator actually narrating > your screen directions? And if so, why? > > Also, is English your first language? There are a couple > spots here where the construction is awkward. > > And I'm questioning "gild'd" and cool'd" > > I can't see any reason, poetic or otherwise, to truncate > these words in the poem. The pronounciation and syllable > counts remain the same as "gilded" and "cooled." > > Its a decent enough pair of short scenes; not enough here > to tell where its going. Structure is fine though, if > that's the point of the exercise. | |
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