>
>
> >Could you shed some light on the subject?
>
> I'll try to use simple phrases. I've just re-read the
> thread above and realize how much in the dark all are in
> concerning this song. When I first saw it on the Tower
> Records in-store sampler, my eyes just about popped out of
> my head. I couldn't believe that the title actually
> existed. After everything that I've been through up to
> that day in October of 2004, seeing that was a real
> startle. Of course I had to listen to it that once then,
> to see what it was about. There I had the chance to see
> that it was not much different than what I already knew.
> From then, I didn't need to hear it again, but was glad
> that it existed for the fact that it reiterated to me in
> an objective form, what I had to perceive much by myself.
>
>
> That it was not a feature in concerts does not surprise
> me. That Meat rushed through it and didn't know how to
> deal with it also does not surprise me. So, how do we deal
> with this, if it is so rare, and such a hot potato? Hot
> Potato, hot patootie, let's call the whole thing off :)
>
> What Jim does is make the music fit the lyric, for its
> emotion, for its urgency, for its drama. The music
> punctuates. It accentuates. Not having the music from
> which to draw at this moment, there are the lyrics. What
> does this song say?
>
> There are several points to the story that is the song. In
> bold, I will highlight those that are childhood
> memories of he and I, from when Jimmy and I were small
> children, he of the age of nine and below, and I at the
> age of six and below. In italics, I will highlight
> those aspects of the song which reflect the actions of my
> mother during those times.
>
> I'm not including the entire song. Just those parts that
> are somewhat clear enough to explain.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I'll Kill You If You Don't Come Back
>
> From the minute I turned and laid my eyes on you
> I had no eyes of my own
> I was blind to the world - you were too good to be true
> But you were something to see - so very young and
> alone
>
> Jim met me when he was delivering a gift to my mother for
> the arrival of her new baby. I was not all that new at the
> time, being nine months old, but the gift was such as a
> gesture. It was a thing that went above me that I could
> play with. Jim may have seen me before by the things he
> said, but my earliest memory is this. He made clear how
> much I meant to him, as he also showed me how to handle
> the toy. I was being kept inside and he snuck in to see me
> on the pretense that he had to use the restroom, otherwise
> he was being kept outside keeping my brother company. He
> and my brother are only two months apart in age. Jim and
> he were both approaching four years of age.
>
> And I still don't believe the way you turned on me
> Now where's the girl that I knew?
>
> The end of the difficult era stood with one chance he took
> to see me at the school I was attending when I was in
> first grade. He approached me and I was not expecting to
> see him, believing him to be in California and this was
> New York, and I also was not aware he decided to use an
> alias, calling himself "Tom". Tom spoke to me and knew my
> name, and I, alarmed, left in a moment of anxiety, and put
> someone else on him to explain how he knew me.
> Unfortunately that someone didn't ask, but just chased Jim
> away. Even though my attitude had softened, I did not have
> the chance to make amends and to let him talk to me. I
> missed hearing whatever it was that he came to say. At the
> same time, his highly complicated effort had been wasted
> and gone awry.
>
>
>
> I gave you somewhere to live and then somebody to
> love
>
> This could address both my mother and/or myself, for it is
> true for us both on different levels. Literally, Jim did
> give us a place to live. And literally, Jim did give in
> one or another sense, each of us someone to love. My
> mother, demanded of Jim's father a house as a second part
> of a gift of furnishings for my second birthday, and such
> house was given. The gifts and the house were hoped to
> help my mother appreciate the worth of me rather than
> reject me, and in that sense it was for my mother to see
> in me someone to love, when she did not. She did not love
> me. As for me, the house was in my name, and Jim also came
> by to visit around the area and I saw him sometimes. My
> mother refused up to then still, to tell me where the
> furnishings and the house came from but had no trouble
> telling me that they were mine and in my name. Then the
> impossible happened.
>
> My mother decided to leave that house and demanded a
> second house from Jim's father. Jim's father gave the
> house, and when I moved into that house, I saw Jim alot
> more. There, Jim had the opportunity to tell me about the
> furnishings and the houses, being as he said he didn't
> understand why I did not seem grateful. I then had the
> chance to thank him. At the same time, a threat my mother
> spoke concerning these things came to light when I told it
> to Jim. Because Jim told me who his father is, and my
> mother was very very angry with him for giving me the
> gifts, even though she demanded the houses. The
> furnishings really snapped her nerves and they were the
> first things. She said to someone, "Now I feel like I'm
> stuck with her!" And indeed, she stuck to me like glue,
> never letting me out of her sight, never letting me out of
> her control, and by the time I had seen this song title, I
> already saw her pattern very plainly, of possession in one
> hand, and a death threat in the other.
>
> The somebody to love that Jim gave to me, was himself. He
> finally had that chance to discuss our future together,
> and we also discussed our love.
>
>
> You gave me nothing but trouble - man I've been such a
> fool
> You gave me nothing at all - now let me give it to you
> You taught me how to be cruel - now let me try it on
> you
>
>How do you abuse me - let me count the ways
> How many hours in how many days
> How does it amuse you - let me count the pain
> How many rules breaking how many games
>
> This structural reference to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's
> "Sonnets From The Portugese", "How do I love thee, let me
> count the ways, I love thee to the depth and breadth that
> my soul could reach", is not just my favorite poem of all
> time, but also a bit of symbology in common: Barrett's
> father was controlling, overbearing, not letting Elizabeth
> live her life. My mother has been controlling,
> overbearing, not letting me live my own life.
>
>
>
>
> How do you abuse me - let me count the ways
> How many hours in how many days
> How does it amuse you - let me count the pain
> How many rules breaking how many games
>
> You got your ass out of gear and your soul out of
> whack
> Go on and take all your stuff - don't even bother to pack
> In every way I want you out of my life -
> But I'll kill you if you don't come back
> I'll kill you if you don't come back
>
>
> Indeed, it seems true of my mother, that she wanted me out
> of her life in every way, but she would kill me if I
> didn't come back.
>
>
>
> In the pit of the night you used to pull me so close
> And then you'd hold me so tight
> And in the wink of an eye you used to give me it all
> And with a kiss in the darkness you'd deliver the light
>
> There were times when she played the part of mother.
> Kissed me goodnight, tucked me in, sang to me, held me,
> and gave to me what a mother gives, but in the absence and
> in the shadows, she also whispered about me to people on
> the phone, and betrayed my trust.
>
> And in the pit of the night I hear you laughing so
> loud
> I know you're laughing at me
> Oh ain't it funny and sad the way I fell for your lies
> The way I fell into love and then I begged to be free
> You gave me nothing at all - now let me give it to you
> You taught me how to be cruel - now let me try it on
> you
>
> How do you abuse me - let me count the ways
> How many hours in how many days
> How does it amuse you - let me count the pain
> How many rules breaking how many games
>
> You got your ass out of gear and your soul out of
> whack
> Go on and take all your stuff - don't even bother to pack
> In every way I want you out of my life
> But I'll kill you if you don't come back
> I'll kill you if you don't come back
>
> My mother said certain things that gave me the belief that
> she would kill me if I came back and kill me if I didn't
> come back, all the same. But especially with more anger,
> if I didn't come back.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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