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| re: Mastubation debate | |
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pidunk 11:36 pm UTC 05/22/07 |
| In reply to: | re: Mastubation debate - Klasien 02:06 pm UTC 05/22/07 |
> you are easily ruined then? From the way I react to such things, I have begun to think along those lines, as someone who has a nineteenth century set of sensibilities, but a twentieth and twenty-first century set of awareness, the combination causes for alot of deep thought. The couple who had the pornography within reach of the minor that I was, could, as you have said, landed them in jail. The source of the book found by the fourteen year old peer, could have landed in jail. It was not that the material actually damaged me directly, but it affected the people who enjoyed it more than I did, and they outnumbered me; it made me more shy of them in some ways, more hard-shelled in other ways, as I was trying to be in with the crowd. Being in with a crowd where I clearly had inconsistencies of values, is what ruined me. They sold me a set of values that included being incompassionate, that included being closed up, that included being cold. And did this begin with the exposure to pornography? Considering that one porno king was one of their friends, yes I think it did. > I could tell you things about being exposed to porn that > could litterally land people in jail, still I manage to be > loving, warm, ocmpassionate, open, confident and close to > the man I love. I even managed to have a kid... and am > looking forward to the possibility of more offspring. That's good. I had to terminate a pregnancy because I saw nothing but misery for the child, and I do not have a concrete expectation of having any, which really had nothing to do with my ability to be in relationships, because what happened was that I saw my self-defined character flaws and worked on correcting them. I re-cultivated my nature so that the "ruin" was not a permanent debility, and I have again become open to others, compassionate, caring, seeking closeness, and warm, before too much of the real damage was done. Other problems affected the structure of my life beyond these issues. > Life is not what happens to you but what you make of it. I was a big proponent of this philosophy for a very long time, until I found that there are others who seek to control other people, and when they try to control other people, and do control others, life becomes not what the controlled person makes of it, but what they could salvage from it. On principle in general terms I agree with you. > > I agree that porn is not a good thing, especially not > those types that involve forcing others into doing > whatever you want them to, but I can certainly see how the > complete stranger thing can be a big help. It is a safe > way of having sex? Because the other will never know your > need for them? Will never expect more than you are willing > to give? They are not real so they can be anything you > want them to be... There is no porn that forces you into anything, except see it. When you open the page, you can't have any say in the quality of the images you will find there. Suppose you are innocently expecting to learn something about what it looks like, and then some huge out-of-ordinary features come at your face with dirt marks all around it, or you see erections the size of lamp-posts, that give you the entirely wrong idea? Then, once you discover that there are actually human dimensions in the reality of it, seeing porn or reading porn still does not have any quality control to it. You can't control if the next paragraph isn't going to make you wonder about what point you missed about it? Where do you go wrong, what don't you have, why you can't "get it". I suppose that if I didn't care about it, it would not have mattered. But at what point does someone actually begin to perceive sex as something that is rote, without having been exposed to porn or someone else who has been influenced by an exposure to porn? No matter what, you can't create people from the images, so having sex is not being done by seeing porn, safe or otherwise, and if one acclimates to strangers maybe they will then feel apprehensive more so about becoming close with someone? | |
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